Forgiveness is an important topic not so much because it represents something we provide as a gift to others, but rather, due to the subtle or often glaring, profound reflections of the beautiful gift we could stand to give to ourselves. Forgiveness ultimately leads to self love, being that when one forgives others, it often leads to the inevitable forgiveness of self (and vice versa). Forgiving oneself breeds the ultimate environment for self love, which ironically enough, is the primary reason why the majority of the human conscious collective avoids it like the plague. Lack of self love is the largest epidemic of “lack” in humanity at this present time.
Forgiveness can bring up very important core beliefs that could cause concerns with the use or lack of boundaries. These core belies may surprise you, as they are not just associated with being unable to forgive but are often associated with forgiving WAY too often, to the extent that one loses all sense of self. This is represented by the relationship between the narcissist and the empath. This dynamic is almost unavoidable in the topic of “forgiveness”, due to the overt misunderstanding of the true definition of forgiveness that embodies the narcissist/empath dynamic.
The true meaning of forgiveness is discovered when the result is LOVE, regardless of whether you are forgiving yourself or others, regardless of whether either of the parties involved agree and regardless of any outcome or result. The reason why humanity cannot seem to forgive others is likely due to core beliefs that represent betrayal, futility, isolation and judgment, which ultimately are associated with the even deeper, fear based imprint humanity is presently experiencing: “Source is against me”.
The largest and most present challenge with forgiveness, however, is the one less mentioned: when we feel UNWORTHY of forgiving ourselves. The most common relationship dynamic presently on earth is that of the narcissist and the empath. The reason this relationship dynamic is so ever present is that it is a direct result and reflection of humanity’s deeper, collective epidemics of shame, unworthiness, abandonment and lack of self love, which then results in the overall belief, “Source is against me”. The most dangerous exchange of lack of self love is clearly represented in relation to forgiveness when the narcissist comes from a space of lack of love, and then the empath, in turn, refuses to forgiveness herself due to shame/unworthiness, which causes lack of self love. The endless cycle of “please forgive me” when the true meaning of forgiveness isn’t fully expressed, causes an emotional spin cycle wherein the dirty laundry of our fear based core beliefs don’t actually become cleansed.
In order to break the perpetual cycle of lack of self love involved in this relationship dynamic, forgiveness of self and others is vital. However, forgiveness in association with shame can actually cause the inner critic within us to take on the narcissist/empath dynamic in a very surprising manner. The inner critic then becomes the shaming, criticizing narcissist and our inner child takes on the role of the wounded empath who cannot forgive herself due to feelings of unworthiness, immersing herself in the inner critic’s demands. The ultimate forgiveness we can provide to ourselves is when we honor the inner child within us via self love that involves boundaries during and after the act of forgiveness. The result of forgiving self AND others is the ultimate cure for the human conscious collective relationship dynamic between the narcissist and the wounded empath.
From the Source perspective, all of us at one point or another have taken on both the role of the narcissist and the role of the empath. Both empaths and narcissists come from the same space of lack of love. Most relationships surrounding our lives involve at least one narcissist/empath dynamic that forgiveness can solve.
How do I forgive myself, one may ask, especially when lack of self love is concerned?
Start in the space of authenticity that applies to your actual feelings. If you are unable to know how to love yourself enough to forgive yourself, let’s try the following visualization. Envision that the person you need to forgive is NOT you, but someone you love and respect very much. Put this loved on in your shoes with the same details and circumstances you are facing. Stand in front of them, allowing their eyes to be the window to your soul and theirs, sink deeply into their eyes and say, “I invoke the I AM in me to forgive you as I now forgive myself”.
Be specific about what you wish to forgive about yourself. I enjoy doing this on paper with two columns. The column on the left represents the things I’d like to forgive about myself, followed by a column on the right that represents the positive benefits of me doing so. This is a manner of working with the inner critic by giving her an idea of the reward for the hard work of forgiveness. For example, the column on the left may say, “I’d like to forgive myself for participating in gossip” and then the corresponding column on the right would say, “I now receive more respect for myself when I enter a higher perspective than the darker nature of gossip. I now enjoy the wisdom this perspective offers me”.
Ask your Higher Self, “What does it MEAN to me when I forgive myself?”
If you receive a positive answer, the next time you invoke the I AM for forgiveness of self, include the positive answer in your invocation. For example, if you asked your Higher Self, “What does it mean to forgive myself for participating in gossip?” and she replies, “This means I am now free and lighter”, it may be helpful to conclude the words “freedom” and “light” in your invocation. An example of such an invocation would be as follows: “I invoke the I AM in me to forgive myself for participating in gossip. I now accept the freedom this forgiveness offers to me. And so it is.”
If you receive a negative response to the question, however, you could use this response in may aura alchemy process listed in the blog, “Walking in the Light of the Shadow” in the processes section here. This core belief could likely be preventing you from forgiving yourself for a reason that could be resolved with integration and healing. For example, if you ask your Higher Self, “What does it mean when I forgive myself?” and her response is, “It means I failed”, you could consider the core belief, “I am a failure” in the aura alchemy process.
Many have asked me, “How do I forgive others, especially if the pain caused to me was traumatic in nature?” Here are a few suggestions:
Get to the root of the emotional trauma within the person who you wish to forgive, with disidentification. For example if someone were spreading gossip about you, you could say to your inner critic, “I forgive the wounded inner child of this person. It must be terribly painful to hurt others based on envy”. This Source perspective may pull you out of the suffering based meaning you’ve attached to your trauma long enough to being a forgiveness process.
Sing or say aloud the ho’ pono pono. The energy of agape love this prayer embodies is powerful enough to put your inner child in a state of forgiveness regardless of the trauma attached to the offending act. If you do this, even when you don’t feel connected to the forgiveness energy of the ho’ pono pono, the prayer itself begins to work its magic in all souls involved. You may combine this with the cord cutting process I’ve listed on my blog as well, if need be; and finally,
Talk to the person you wish to forgive. This may not always be a feasible option to do so in person, especially if the person in question is emotionally toxic or unsafe to you in any manner. In this case, please do not contact the person in the 3rd dimensional manner, but speak to them from the quiet, meditative place within your soul. Convene with them to tell them everything that occurred that caused your suffering, and then explain to them that you wish to forgive them regardless of the outcome and how it benefits either of you. Releasing attachment to a result of “peace” or resolution can open the universal doors of Source magic to occur in both parties, for forgiveness.
Forgiveness is not always an easy feat. It may require time and repetition of all the above mentioned steps. With time, love and patience for your inner child and your inner critic, the healing result can effect the entire human conscious collective. Yes, it all begins with You. Yes, You are that important.
Love always, Pamela