Dark Night of the soul is the most common form of transformation that leads to healing of the human condition (suffering), yet it is the least discussed of all human conditions. It is avoided as if it is a contagious disease that is airborne, and covered with the three words, “I am fine” and “I’ll be okay” as if the act of allowing someone to hold space for us during dark night of the soul would cause the spreading of the “dis-ease”.
Dark Night of the soul is not a disease, it is a process. The process of burning away the old self, if not allowed, causes intense emotional (and physical) pain if one does not step into a full space of surrender to all of the trapped pain within one’s soul.
Dark Night of the soul is a purging of the suffering we have held within our subconscious space within our minds for far too long. The darker monsters within us during dark night of the soul seem to laugh haughtily in the face of our pain as if the inner child within us is forsaken and stuck in a state of endless, perpetual futility. The great feeling of exhaustion does not come when one says, “There is no light at the end of the tunnel” but rather, when one says, “The light is there and always unreachable from the dark hell I’m stuck within. The light is available for everyone else but me.
Source has abandoned me due to my unworthiness for happiness, peace or even a brief rest from suffering”.
The solution to dark night of the soul is ALLOWANCE, acceptance, surrender, purging of the old self, and then finally, being completely reborn into our fullest Self. Dark Night of the soul occurs when one wishes to no longer avoid all of the fractals of oneself that one has ignored, abandoned, and repressed for a long time. So long, in fact, that all fractals of oneself come up for air as if we have been holding their heads underwater forcefully. They need air, but they emerge from within us like a drowning child who was harshly held down for way too long, popping up from the unrelenting, hellish pain of apathy and repression like a drowning child who finally made it to the surface of the water, gasping for air.
When our inner child finally emerges frantically from the dark ocean within our subconscious depths of suffering and inner torture, we initially try to shove her back down under the water again to drown with the words we think will be her life raft: “Be strong”, “I’m okay”, “I’m fine”, etc. However, this is not the solution, or anti-depressants, alcoholism, cognitive behavioral therapy, and psychiatry would have much higher success rates. Pretending to be strong or to formulate only positive coping mechanisms is THE most devastating and dangerous thing you can do during dark night of the soul.
Many have asked me, what can I do to get out of dark night of the soul? Here are some tips for releasing dark night of the soul once and for all:
1. Stop pretending that you’re ok. Repression leads to apathy, which is a form of denial that is ultimately the worst thing you can do. Be authentic about how you feel at all times, even if you must take time off from work or family to have a space to do so.
2. Find someone to hold space for it. Preferably, someone who does not treat depression as if it is a “negative” thing. This is not a deep, dark entity that is separate from you or the demon within. This is an aspect of you that deserves tenderness, nurturing, and love. You are literally dying inside, and need to be treated with respect and utmost care.
3. Delve deep into all corners of your soul, one day at a time. Use this time to finally face all portions of pain within you that you’ve tried to hide for so long. Invite all of the darker aspects of you out in a healing circle and show as much love possible to each of them. Now is time for full surrender. See my blog, “Surrender” for a process specifically with steps for how to heal dark night of the soul, however.
4. The ultimate goal is to accept the dark as a part of you, by allowing the darkness. Why should the dark be forced to suddenly be light? Allow this darkness with you a fully safe space to show all levels of her fears, anger, and despair. Cry until you can cry no more. Be who you have been hiding for all of this time, for the only way to be reborn from dark night of the soul is for the old self to die. Dark Night of the soul is the process of soul rebirth.
5. Hold a space of comfort, nourishment, proper rest, and self-love routines as much as possible for the human you. Try to acclimate to a consistent sleep routine. Eat comforting, nourishing foods. Drink plenty of water. Don’t forget the basics like hygiene, exercise when possible, meditation, and all the inner child work and integration processes you can possibly do within your inner healing space. Now is the time for YOU! Don’t consider this selfishness, as dark night of the soul is serious and is a process of death that represents the dying of the old self so that the new self can emerge.
It is common to feel completely lost during dark night of the soul, however, it is helpful to have one human around you who can hold space to be your compass, emotionally speaking. Someone who can bring you back to center. The hardest thing one can do is isolate oneself fully during the process. It feels much safer to allow others to hold a space for the anger, the agony, and the absolute trembling of panic within the deepest layers, as dark night of the soul is burning away the ego. If you are the person holding a space for a loved one going through dark night of the soul here are a few tips:
• Be a compassionate listener. Most of us who have gone through the worst throes of the absolute terror and agony that dark night of the soul entails knowing for certain that the last thing we’re seeking is advice. We are seeking for a listener with a heart. Humans naturally seek an empathic being.
• Find the balance in how much help you dispense. Please check in often enough when reaching out to your loved one who is experiencing dark night of the soul, without allowing them to fully isolate themselves (isolation can be dangerous). Many of us who have experienced dark night of the soul also aren’t aware that it is okay to ask for help. Remember, society treats humans as if dark night of the soul is an embarrassing condition that requires medication and a mask full of inauthentic, fake smiles. Your loved one needs plenty of time with you holding the space for their pain, however, if you feel they are safe, give them space when they ask;
• Do not underestimate the possibility of danger to self. I do not make this statement in order to promote fear, but to allow you an understanding that dark night of the soul has led to physical deaths. With this being said, the majority of sufferers don’t give warning signs. Keep your eyes peeled back for warning signs so that you can provide more help for the person expression dark night of the soul in an appropriate timing.
• Do not treat dark night of the soul as if it is a dis-ease. It is a healing process that requires patience as the being’s deepest, most repressed and painful fractal’s of one’s soul emerges for rebirth. But this can only occur if you provide acceptance that your loved one’s pain is natural and that it is safe to express and FEEL the truth of who they are.
The ultimate rebirth of self and healing occurs once one fully surrenders enough to form an acceptance that all of the painful fractals of broken inner child aspects within are completely safe to come out with a full allowance and permission to be exactly as they are. Then the new self emerges and a new life can begin. Once one does this, a fourth-dimensional perspective of pain occurs and then the human condition is no longer relative to “suffering”.
This rebirth will be a whole new world wherein the full beauty of life can be perceived and then partaken in fully. You are about to be reborn to who you were before core beliefs caused you to believe “everything has to hurt”. The light at the tunnel only shines once the inner light within the darkness of one’s soul shines from the deepest corners of our pain. Only you can accept that darkness does indeed shine.
You are not alone. You have never been separated or abandoned by Source. YOU are Source. Awaken from your long sleep. Breathe from new lungs. Gasp for air and cry in the arms of the Divine Mother within, and know that this is what newborns do, without shame.
I love you, Pamela Aaralyn